We don't have to talk,
Because we can't communicate
We don't have to fight,
Because we can't Love,
So I'll sit in silence,
Speaking only with ink,..
Dear Pain from a Lover,
I feel you. I feel you deep in my chest. Stirring up the inhabitants.
A broken heart, A plunging stomach, Wheezing lungs.
Somehow you cause disruption in my once peaceful organs.
I can feel you vibrating through every inch of my being, pushing out your symptoms at every possible opening.
My eyes see in pixels.
My hands move in sweat.
I feel you.. Convincing my own legs to fail me as I fall to the ground.
My mind is a web of chaos while I try to understand.
Most of all.. I -know- you. Haven't we been living together for awhile now?
-R
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Today I was...
Today I was a bad mother, I raised my voice to my daughter because I let myself feel frustrated.
Today I was a bad mother, I yelled and cursed and said mean things to her father in retaliation to the horrible things he said to me when I could have easily been the bigger person and let it go.
Today I was a bad mother, I stayed in the room thinking of what to do instead of playing with her next to her father.
Today I was a bad girlfriend, I yelled at my boyfriend after yelling at me.
Today I was a bad girlfriend,.. I stayed in the room waiting for change instead of repeating what i usually do. I could have ended it, but I didn't.
Today I was a bad girlfriend. I cooked for myself and not for my boyfriend.
Today I was selfish, i cried listening to the same song on repeat instead of trying to fix things.
Today I was a good mother.. I set my feelings aside and played legos and pretend with my daughter.
Today I was a good mother, I cut an apple up for my daughter and only took 3 slices myself despite my growing hunger.
Today I was a good mother, I cooked dinner for my daughter then gently cleaned her up.
Today I was a good mother, i forced myself to eat despite my own feelings, so that she would have better milk.
Every morning I try to be a good girlfriend and let my boyfriend sleep in even when our daughter is awake and I'm the one up with her all night.
Everyday I try to be the girlfriend he can be proud of, but mostly I fall short.
Everyday I try to intrigue him with information thats new to me.. but mostly it gets rejected.
Everyday I try to learn more and share my findings with him.. but mostly I get called stupid by words or by expression.
Everyday I try to cook delicious meals. Half the time I do.. half the time they re less than perfect.
Everyday I try to take care of our garden, but he doesnt care about that.
Today I was a human being. I had emotions, my feelings were hurt and i waited for the love of my life to reaffirm me that he cared... but he didn't.. mostly he just yelled at me and called me stupid.
Everyday I try to be the girlfriend and mother they can be proud of... most days I fall short...
Today I was a mediocre person.. I'm sorry.
Today I was a bad mother, I yelled and cursed and said mean things to her father in retaliation to the horrible things he said to me when I could have easily been the bigger person and let it go.
Today I was a bad mother, I stayed in the room thinking of what to do instead of playing with her next to her father.
Today I was a bad girlfriend, I yelled at my boyfriend after yelling at me.
Today I was a bad girlfriend,.. I stayed in the room waiting for change instead of repeating what i usually do. I could have ended it, but I didn't.
Today I was a bad girlfriend. I cooked for myself and not for my boyfriend.
Today I was selfish, i cried listening to the same song on repeat instead of trying to fix things.
Today I was a good mother.. I set my feelings aside and played legos and pretend with my daughter.
Today I was a good mother, I cut an apple up for my daughter and only took 3 slices myself despite my growing hunger.
Today I was a good mother, I cooked dinner for my daughter then gently cleaned her up.
Today I was a good mother, i forced myself to eat despite my own feelings, so that she would have better milk.
Every morning I try to be a good girlfriend and let my boyfriend sleep in even when our daughter is awake and I'm the one up with her all night.
Everyday I try to be the girlfriend he can be proud of, but mostly I fall short.
Everyday I try to intrigue him with information thats new to me.. but mostly it gets rejected.
Everyday I try to learn more and share my findings with him.. but mostly I get called stupid by words or by expression.
Everyday I try to cook delicious meals. Half the time I do.. half the time they re less than perfect.
Everyday I try to take care of our garden, but he doesnt care about that.
Today I was a human being. I had emotions, my feelings were hurt and i waited for the love of my life to reaffirm me that he cared... but he didn't.. mostly he just yelled at me and called me stupid.
Everyday I try to be the girlfriend and mother they can be proud of... most days I fall short...
Today I was a mediocre person.. I'm sorry.
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